Staging!!

I just finished my staging orientation about a half hour ago, it was a long and educational 7 hour orientation. It was really good to go through even the cheesy ice breakers, it all helped. It's just nice to be reminded that everyone has the same fears and anxieties as I do. I mean once I get there I know everything is going to be okay, I don't feel like I'm worried about Senegal. I'm worried for my family; I feel like I'll be missing them and that they wont be affirmative when I call and say "wow i'm fed up i wanna come home" and they say "okay, come home" when what I want to hear is "no, you have to stay cause tomorrow is a different day" and I know I'll come to that point where I might want to give up, it's like hitting that wall. I just need to remind myself I can do this, and this is what I need to do for myself and for others. It's weird, but I don't feel scared of Senegal at all... which might be changing once I get there and see just how big the spiders are, but really I'm just nervous bout whether or not I'll be placed near another volunteer, I think it'd be nice and convenient to be placed near someone else.

Anyways, during staging we gave them our completed forms, went over the expectations and the policies of the peace corps had some nice fun ice breakers, group work, poster making, drawing with scented markers. Haha it sounds horrible when I put it like that, but each group made a poster of our anxieties and aspirations and we presented that and just about everyone had the same things down.

Last night I think I went through the worst emotional roller coaster; first off it's weird but once again I'm the only Arab - minority still?! weird. Only one who hasn't lived in another country for more than a month, actually this could be false i haven't asked everyone. Only one from Idaho, not surprising, but only a few people have ever been to Idaho which sucks because everyone else is talkin' about their friends that went to the same college as everyone else or they all lived in the same state/city, etc. And the whole time I'm like no we don't have a lot of potatoes, its the state with the blue turf.... So I guess it's been connecting with the other volunteers that I'm most nervous about. But honestly today has been a much better day, I went out to a little cafe today got coffee and a bagel and noticed a picture of David Beckham hanging on the wall when he went to that same coffee shop and just realized: somethings are just meant to be. And I'm just meant to be in the Peace Corps going to Senegal. And I'm doing this for the Senegalese people, my social life doesn't really matter at the time being so if I don't become best buds with any of the volunteers today or tomorrow it'll happen eventually and that's not what I need to be thinking about because if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Yup, David Beckham's picture taught me that much. Oh and it meant we both have really good taste in lil dive coffee shops and that we should get married. but that might be reading way too much into it.
Back to the main point, yesterday and last night I was incredibly scared. INTENSELY scared. I feel like the last time I felt like that was when I was a child and I went to camp and missed my mom. I wanted to go home and just never admit I was accepted into the peace corps just turn back, but at the same time I knew I would never do that. I just needed to cry; just let it all out because i hate bottling everything in! I almost broke down when my friend Gretchen asked me on the phone if I was alright, and then I kept trying to say yes i am but my voice was cracking so i just said hmmhmm.. which was totally a clue that i was about to cry. But that night I talked to my roommate; and it was just refreshing to hear someone else tell me everyone is feeling the same way. It felt nice to have that connection with someone and be able to talk to someone about what I was feeling and they were going through the same thing. But today I just felt so relieved, I knew everything was going to be okay.

That's right mom, everything is going to be okay. :)

Tomorrow I leave at 8:30 to go to the clinic to get my immunizations, arrive at the clinic at 10, get my shots, go to the airport, depart at 5:40 pm. YAY!!! I'm so excited! Senegal here I come!